Seeds seem to sleep

through winter’s cold, quiet blankets

Trees seem to wait nakedly

through winter’s raging storms

I seem to turn away

through winter’s darkened skies

But truly,

we are all journeying to gather this winter

journeying to pray with our Great Mother this winter

reaching, nestling, sinking down

into Her fertile soils, her pulsing womb

to be protected, nourished, adored

receiving memories of who we will be

creating gentle streams of intentions from here to there

Truly,

we are journeying in our stillness this winter

finding the secret, hidden possibilities borne within us

listening to the quiet beating of our soul

remembering the truth of our dreams

resting in being surrounded

preparing for the great creation about to begin

For in the Spring

the seed will awaken to the possibility

of becoming a cheerful cosmos

the tree will burst forth in the creation

of canopies of living green joy

I will turn again

painting promises of possibilities with youth-filled abandon

across your sky

 Jennifer Cedar 

3/20/09

When I was a small child

I listened quietly, insistently, incessantly for an answer

“who am I, what is this Being I am?”

Whispers on gentle warm winds

through my naptime windows

“You are mine.  We are all.

It is enough and it is good.”

And from this I expanded,

I am sacred and powerful.

I am the dust and the breath and the soul of God.

There is a purpose that I shall live.

I only have to dare to live it fully,

but always inseparable from the Holy.

Now within the center of my Being,

I whisper, gently,

Listening in stillness

“what is the nature of my Being?  what are the gifts and seeds I bring to plant?”

Answers swell up from without and within

called from the deep and expansive places my Being dwells

“You are Peace and Compassion.  You bring seeds of Faith and Courage and Love.

You grow these seeds with listening, laughter, creativity, gratitude and joy. 

Those who come near are touched by the quiet strength of your journey.”

When I am still, and I find each breath

I feel my self soaring with the freedom of being home.

And when I am dancing, I glimpse the reflection of my innermost Being:

sparkling eyes of joy.

Jennifer Cedar 10/9/09

But what you Love.

There lives the Joy.

May our hearts and eyes be filled with gratitude for

the Blessings  that surround us always.

 Later on in the week my Tai Chi teacher instructed us to let all the goodness surrounding and supporting all around pour into us as we breathe in, let it pour out to the world as we breathe out.  This became my meditation for replenishing this week. 

There is a balance between nurturing and doing.  Without nurturing, doing becomes exhaustive and hollow.  Without doing, nurturing sits still on it’s own, waiting to be shared.

 When I remember, I have energy, creativity, and a vitality of Spirit to share back within each moment.  All the things I choose to do in the day I can greet with welcoming, wonder, and the openness of possibility.  Even the challenges and the painful things become moments for breathing in Spirit and breathing Spirit back out within each decision, within each action.

When I forget, I quickly become depleted and every new request, need, or task leaves me feeling squashed by impossible amounts of challenges.  I long to find an escape, even just for a few hours.

And then I breathe in deeply.  I feel the goodness that surrounds and supports me always filling me from my toes, up to my knees, and on and on.  I keep breathing until my eyeballs are swimming in it and I can see clearly again.

Here is when the magic begins.  Here is when the things that just a moment ago seemed too difficult for anyone, suddenly start sparkling with new ideas, novel approaches, and small steps. I can see a difference almost immediately in the outcomes as well.  A creative idea, a reframing, a new haircut for my son and things change.  Challenges that my son has been struggling with for a week (and I for a way to make it change), suddenly start to shift.  I am relieved and excited about the new possibilities he’s discovering. 

I am reassured by the constant availability of Spirit to replenish and nurture me.  I am encouraged to keep remembering: replenishing yourself as part of each day, each moment creates a path for those moments to take our breath away in wonder and joy.

The gifts we send to each other
deepen and nourish us all.

The other day I realized that I could almost make a map based on the scents that filled me as I traveled my loop.  First walking towards the East there was a mystery sweetness, like plumeria or honeysuckle that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere.  As I walked under the tall Douglas Fir trees I was enveloped in their sweet spicy smell.  When I turned to the South I was awakened a little more with the smell of wet grass in Autumn, crisp and clean.  A little further on, a soft sweetness maybe from this unknown bush that is beautiful in the daylight, but I never realized also smelled so sweet.  On the Westward side I find the humor. This one yard, all year long smells like flea powder, every time, rain or shine, light or dark.   I don’t think people even use flea powder anymore, but I distinctly remember that smell from my childhood. On the final turn back to the North there are more subtle flowers, some spicy, some sweet and then the return to the infusion of evergreens. I breathe deeply and know that  I have come back home.

This short walk around the circle brings me back to the Earth, and back to myself.  It is a walk that reminds me there is always more than we will notice.  There are layers upon layers of gifts, some that we can’t see but must learn to find in the dark.  The beauty is that whether or not we notice them, still they are there waiting.    I give thanks for the beauty, the guidance, the gifts both seen and unseen surrounding us always.